Author Topic: Jokes > General TP (Read 94 times)

Staff · « **on:** December 10, 2017, 05:53:37 pm »

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2
cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You
don't have anything
else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

See ans below.

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the
water.
So the boat will
become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can
light
the other cigarette
another deadly answer. scroll down a little

Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and
catch
it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can
light
the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by
drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer....
scroll down

Start praising one cigarette, The other will get
jealous & "jalney lagega"

Staff · « **Reply #1 on:** December 10, 2017, 05:54:10 pm »

Once a girl is quite fantasised about "69".She has a
regular boyfriend they have never done it before.

One day she invites her boyfriend to her apartment for
romantic dinner.

After heavy dinner, she tells him that she wants to do
"69".

But the Boyfriend doesn't have any idea about what is 69. Girlfriend
gets upset but thinks that she can teach him how to do 69. she asks
him to lay down...and she then lays on top of him
in reverse direction so as in 69. The boyfriend is confused but is
eager to know about 69. so he does as
the GF tells him to do.

they lay down in this position for about 2 min. she is
thinking that He will, by the time, get excited by this. but suddenly
the GF has to let go one Fart...directly on her BF's face.
GF quickly apologises and asks him to stay in that position for some more time.

after 1 min she has to let go one another fart....this time bigger
than the previous.

The BF quickly throws her away, gets up, starts dressing up and yells at her..

"If you think I am gonna take 67 more like this, you are MAD"

Staff · « **Reply #2 on:** December 10, 2017, 05:55:16 pm »

Severalmen are in the Locker Room of a golf Club.A cell Phone on a bench
rings and a man engages the hands Free Speaker function and begins to
talk.Everyone else in the room stops to listen......

Man : "Hello"
Woman: "Honey.it's me.Are you at the club?"
Man : "Yes".
Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat,It's
only $1000.Is it OK if I Buy it ?"
Man : "Sure,....go ahead if you like it that much"
Woman: "I also stopped by the mercedes dealership and saw new 2005
models.I saw one I really Liked."
Man : "How Much?"
Woman: "$60,000"
Man : "OK,but for that price,I want it with all the options"
Woman: "Great! Oh!, and one more thing...the house we wanted last year
is
back on the market.They're asking $950,000"
Man : "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer,but just offer
$900,000 "
Woman: "OK.I'll see you later! I LOVE YOU!"
Man : "Bye,I love you too."

The Man Hangs up.The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment.Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?Huh"

Staff · « **Reply #3 on:** December 10, 2017, 05:55:43 pm »

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABCHospital

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the
way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems,
pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and
we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Oberoi charges Rs. 2500, Taj charges Rs.2000, Le Meridian charges
Rs.1500.

We do it here for Rs.300, and I get that back from MediClaim

Staff · « **Reply #4 on:** December 10, 2017, 05:57:24 pm »

Today's food for thought: Don't wait for the best idea, work on a
better
one
and the best will follow...(i liked it, didn't u??)

____________________________________________________

Pyscho Test

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl.

While at the funeral of her own mother, she met
this guy whom she did
not
know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much
her dream guy she
believed
him to be, that she fell in love with him there,
but never asked for
his
number and could not find him.

A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her
sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you
scroll down. DON'T CHEAT

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear
at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath.

This was a test used by a famous American
psychologist to test if one
has
the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested
serial killers took part
in
this test and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly - good for you.

If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest
that you keep your
distance.

NEXT ONE :

Subject: Incredible.

Amazing test. Just follow the instructions as
quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you
have finished the
previous one.

You do not need to write or remember the
answers, just do it using
your mind.

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is :

15+6

3+56

89+2

12+53

75+26

25+52

63+32

I know! Calculations are boring but it's
nearly over..

Come on, one more...

123+5

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A TOOL AND A COLOR!

Scroll further to the bottom...

A bit more...

You have just thought about a red hammer,
haven't you?Huh

If this is not the case, you are among 2% of
people who have a
"different"
if not "abnormal" mind. 98% of the folks would
answer a "red
hammer" while doing this exercise.

Staff · « **Reply #5 on:** December 10, 2017, 05:59:41 pm »

A sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.He put
them
in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was
confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like sardars.

The game warden ordered the sardar to show his hunting license, and
the
sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up
one
of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from
Ontario.
This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting
license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second
duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This
duck's
from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?" The sardar reached into his
wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its
butt, and said, "This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from
Nova
Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?" Again the sarda reached
into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled
at
the sardar "Just where the hell are you from?"

The sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and
said,
"You tell me, you're the expert."..

Staff · « **Reply #6 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:00:10 pm »

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it.What happened is - due to cricket world cup I
scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (Iprefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money". (The baap actually said - "I will never
waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college.
Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most
be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya he he he...

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis
tournaments.. It is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in
2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These
cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban
it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year,
she was looking for a job for me in BEST(Bus corporation in
Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my
platform then. As you can see I have experience of different
platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages he he he...

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with
a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the
times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to
think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word
and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International
phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know
few words like - 'Showstoppers', 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality',
'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also
I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it
should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects
natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like
to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wednesday off
also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short
term
(preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I
prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that
there is a world cup in West ! Indies in 2007,I don't mind going
there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have
many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Welcome to INFY:-)) We look forward to working with
you..:-))

Staff · « **Reply #7 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:00:32 pm »

Two idiots drive to a gas station in a remote district for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the patrons of the station to anybody who purchases a full tank of gas.

When they go inside to pay, the man asks the attendant about the contest.
The attendant says, "If you win, you''re entitled to free sex," and the man asks how he can enter the contest. The attendant explains, "Well, I''m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess it right you win free sex."

So the idiot fills up and asks to play the contest and says, "I Guess 7." "Sorry I was thinking of
8," replies the attendant. The next week, the two return to the same gas station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, one idiot asks the attendant if the contest is still going on. "Sure," replies the attendant.
"I''m thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex." "2," says the idiot. "Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replies the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."

As the two idiots are walking back to the car, one idiot says to the other, "You know, I''m beginning to think this contest is rigged." "No way," says the other idiot, "My wife won
TWICE last week!"

******************************************************************************

INZAMAM was once asked a different question after PAK won the match, for which he was not prepared??. He had a set response to the first question always.

Commentator: So INZI your wife is pregnant for the 2nd time???
INZI: Sabse Pahle Bismilla allah rahim?.Insha Allah all credit goes to The boyz2 every one worked hard for it especially Afridi; without his strokes Itwouldn''t have been possible?? also bob woolmer kept a close watch on The progress ?..its a team effort

Staff · « **Reply #8 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:01:14 pm »

Shocked Amazing Daer Frenids I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was readgnieg Shocked

Subject: THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig ?

Enjoy...................

Staff · « **Reply #9 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:02:04 pm »

Questionable Funeral

This is a story about a romantic girl. While at the funeral
of her mother, she met a man whom she did not
know. She thought he was amazing,
her dream guy, and she fell in
love with him but never asked for
his number and could not
find him after the funeral.

A few days later the girl killed her sister.

Question:

What was her motive in killing her sister? (scroll down for answer)

Answer:

She was hoping that the guy would
appear at the sister's funeral.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath. This was a
test that a famous American psychologist
used to test if one has the
same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took this test
and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly, good for you.

If you DID answer correctly,
please let me know, so that i will be careful.

Staff · « **Reply #10 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:06:07 pm »

This is a genuine psychological test.

It is a story about a girl.

While at the funeral of her own mother, she met
this guy whom she did
not
know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much
her dream guy she
believed
him to be, that she fell in love with him there,
but never asked for
his
number and could not find him.

A few days later the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her
sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you
scroll down. DON'T CHEAT

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear
at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a
psychopath.

This was a test used by a famous American
psychologist to test if one
has
the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested
serial killers took part
in
this test and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly - good for you.

If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest
that you keep your
distance.

NEXT ONE :

Subject: Incredible.

Amazing test. Just follow the instructions as
quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you
have finished the
previous one.

You do not need to write or remember the
answers, just do it using
your mind.

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is :

15+6

3+56

89+2

12+53

75+26

25+52

63+32

I know! Calculations are boring but it's
nearly over..

Come on, one more...

123+5

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A TOOL AND A COLOR!

Scroll further to the bottom...

A bit more...

You have just thought about a red hammer,
haven't you?Huh

If this is not the case, you are among 2% of
people who have a
"different"
if not "abnormal" mind. 98% of the folks would
answer a "red
hammer" while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and
you'll see. Be sure
to put in the subject line if you are among the
98% or the 2% and
send to
everyone, including the person that sent it to
you.

Those who chose a lime colored Bull dozer seek
help immediately!

Staff · « **Reply #11 on:** December 10, 2017, 06:06:54 pm »

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the
bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.
No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did
not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her
dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never
asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed
her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you
answered this correctly, you think like a psycho path. This was a test
by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same
mentality as a killer .

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the
question correctly.

If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

funonweb

News:

HTML ezBlock

Author Topic: Jokes > General TP (Read 94 times)

Staff

Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > General TP

Staff

Re: Jokes > A crime story(Try to solve it)

Staff

Psycho Test

Staff

Psychopath test

Recent Topics