funonweb

Co-Worker: "What version of DOS does UNIX run?"

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Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
Tech Support: "What program is it?"
Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."

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Me: "What operating system are you running?"
Student: "Hunh?"
Me: "Do you have a Mac or a PC?"
Student: "Um, I don't know."
Me: "Ok. What does the screen look like?"
Student: "It's yellow."
Me: "Ok. What does it say on the computer CPU?"
Student: "What's that?"
Me: "The big grey box."
Student: "It doesn't say anything."
Me: "Never mind that...do you have a little 'Start' button at the bottom of the monitor?"
Student: "Monitor?"
Me: "The thing that looks like a TV sceen sitting on the grey box."
Student: "Oh! That! No. No start button."
Me: "Ok. Is there a little apple symbol anywhere on the screen?"
Student: (very puzzled) "Why would I have fruit on my computer?"

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Back in the early days of Windows 95:


Customer: "I have Windows Thirty One."
Tech Support: "Ok, this program requires either Windows 95 or Win32s. Do you have Win32s on your system?"
Customer: "No, I have Windows Thirty One, not Thirty Two."
Tech Support: "Windows 3.1 is the operating system. Win32s is a program that makes your computer fast like Windows 95."
Customer: "What's Windows Ninety Five got to do with it?"
Tech Supprort: "You need either Windows 95 or Win32s to run this."
Customer: "I HAVE THIRTY ONE! WHY WON'T IT WORK?"
Tech Support: (giving up) "Ma'am, your computer is too old. Buy a new one with Windows 95."
Customer: "I've heard about Windows Three Hundred and Eleven. Wouldn't that be better than Ninety Five?"

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My father likes to delete things from the Windows System directory because he's convinced that's where the swap file lurks. I have to reinstall Windows 95 almost every day.

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A few days ago, a client called in wondering why he couldn't delete items off the Windows desktop. It was soon discovered that he'd already dragged Internet Explorer, MS Outlook, and a few other items off into the recycle bin, and was trying to delete 'My Computer' and 'Network Neighborhood.'